The Photos and The Shower

I am really bad at documenting my life.  That is an odd thing to say as I write a blog documenting my life but, more specifically, photo documentation.  I just never think to take photos.  You have had to take it on good faith this whole time that I am even pregnant, because there has not been a photo of me in this blog since my first entry.  There has not been one single photo of my baby bump.  I haven't been holding out on you.  I don't have a week by week documentation of the growing bump.  There are no photos of my baby bump, or there weren't until three days ago.  In terms of photographic evidence I went from not pregnant to 37 weeks pregnant.

There still wouldn't be photos of me but my lovely friend Lauren offered to take photos of us, pointing out that even if we don't care now, we might care later.  She's right.  She is also quite a good photographer.  So I present photographic evidence of my pregnancy.

Look we're in love, and pregnant, and it is fall.

Look we're in love, and pregnant, and it is fall.

In this one I am hiding.

In this one I am hiding.

In this one I am sitting on a tiny stool in our kitchen.  There were other seating options but I chose this one.  I also look exhausted which is how I am a lot these days because I have given up on sleep.

In this one I am sitting on a tiny stool in our kitchen.  There were other seating options but I chose this one.  I also look exhausted which is how I am a lot these days because I have given up on sleep.

I always feel weird when people take photos and tell me to act natural.  I would never ever stand with Ana touching my baby bump, from behind, in a park, naturally.  That being said I made that my profile pick on Facebook and it has gotten over 200 likes!  It has likes from people I don't even know.  I don't know how strangers can even see the picture.  I feel like a Kardashian.  I would actually sit on the tiny stool.  That is a thing I do.

We also have had a baby shower.  I was unaware of this but baby showers have a lot of rules of etiquette they should adhere to.  If you break one of these rules women on my parenting board will tell you and question your level of taste and class.  Even though I know it is ludicrous for me to worry about the opinions of some faceless women on a parenting board, who go by names like VexyMommy3 (I guess there were two other VexyMommies) and TheGingerAvenger, I did.  TheGingerAvenger's photo is Black Widow from The Avengers and VexyMommy3 is super into World Of Warcraft so when they're not schooling people on shower etiquette they have other interests too.  Anyway, some shower rules to know, that I didn't, as expressed by internet moms due in November 2015.

1.  You can't throw your own shower.  This is very important because as showers are considered primarily gift giving events you can't throw one for yourself because it's basically telling your friends they have to give you shit.  What if no one throws you one?  Too bad.  You should be better at making friends

2.  You can't have your shower after 33ish weeks.  This is not so much an etiquette thing but at 33 weeks you will cease to be able to enjoy your shower.  You will be "too big."  Very big people are incapable of joy.

3.  You can only have one baby shower, ever, in your whole life.  If you have a second baby you should not have a shower because, again, showers are considered gift giving events and after the first shower you should have big ticket items and not need them again.  You may have a sprinkle which is like a shower but less so.  Gifts are not necessarily expected.  It is more okay to have a sprinkle if you are having a baby with a different person than the first time, if it has been an extremely long time between babies, or if this baby is a different sex than the first.  You will obviously need pink onesies as oppose to blue, so a small party to facilitate this happening is okay, as long as you don't plan it.

I was fine on almost all counts as friends threw my shower and this is my first baby.  Only misstep was that we had it when I was 35 weeks pregnant.  It was okay.  Turns out I was not too big to enjoy friends, gifts, and food.

There were only two requests I had for my shower.  The first was I didn't want a time when people had to watch us open presents because I hate that at showers.  Granted I have never been to a baby shower, when I say I am the first one of my friends to have a baby, I am serious.  I have been to wedding showers though, and it always makes me feel self-conscious about my present, it takes a really long time, and I start to get bored.

They look happy, but really they're all wishing this would be over, so they could go get another glass of wine.

They look happy, but really they're all wishing this would be over, so they could go get another glass of wine.

The second request was that we play no games the involve candy bars representing baby poop in diapers.  This is a shower thing.  "Guess the melted chocolate bar in the diaper" seems to be especially popular. 

Planning your own shower isn't classy but this, this is fine?

Planning your own shower isn't classy but this, this is fine?

I didn't want to do this because?  Gross.  There is going to be so much real poo in my life soon and also why make chocolate gross?  Chocolate is perfect and delicious and so few things are in this life.

At my shower Ana insisted on opening presents because she argued people like to see their gift opened.  It turned out fine.  We opened the presents very quickly, so quickly writing thank you notes will be very challenging.  I have only a vague idea of who gave us what.  Then there was a game that involved chewing chocolate bars and spitting them in diapers to look like poop.  Which, I might argue, is even slightly grosser than the guessing the chocolate bar game.   It was good fun though, and also I didn't need to either look at the diapers or spit into them.  All in all it turned out great.  I had such a lovely time and am very grateful to my friends who planned it... despite their disobeying of my instructions.

My guess date is only two weeks (and one day) away.  I can't believe it.  I still need to tell you about Hypnobabies and 3rd trimester symptoms.  I can tell you that I pee on my hand about four times a day while leaning forward to wipe.  You would think I would learn to do a precautionary pre-lean before going in for the wipe, and yet.  Thank goodness there is soap and water in most bathrooms so I don't walk around with urine hands.